So Much to Say…

Hello friends,

I have so much to say, share with you… mostly about postpartum deppression and anxiety. Ill share as soon as I can. In the meantime, support is so very important during a difficult time such as this. So, please, speak up. Share.

XO,
Carrie

Perspective

I wish I wasn’t writing this right now, but here it goes… I’m back in the hospital battling an awful mysterious GI issue. When I was discharged from the hospital, I knew I wasn’t physically ready but I missed my family so desperately I went home anyway. Lesson learned. I’m starting to feel exhausted by this whole process. I’m also learning a few things and gaining some perspective…

I’m incredibly lucky to have friends and family to love and care for me and my family during this difficult time.

Nurses are everyday heroes. I’ve been met with so much kindness (and patience). I met a woman today willing to go above and beyond to help me continue to provide my baby with breastmilk, including drive my pumped breastmilk to my home after her shift. I’m overwhelmed by this kindness and just the humanity of it all.

I’ve learned how absolutely devoted to breastfeeding I really am. I’ve been toting around a manual pump in my purse and through ER visits, pancreatitis, dehydration, gastritis, a liquid diet, and all the consequntial anxiety, I kept pumping. I’m still pumping. I don’t intend to EP again but I do intend to breastfeed. (Baby N latches like a pro! Hooray!)
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Going home

I’m going home today.

I’m thrilled.

I’m nervous.

I’m feelimg much better.

I’m feeling a little delicate.

I’m feeling so hopeful.

Thank you for your continued support. Please keep us in your thoughts.
xo,
Carrie

Healing

I’m a little unsure whether my previous post was misleading… The “here” I have been referring to is more of a figurative place than a literal one. I am in a local hospital being treated for pancreatitis. I am also being treated for symptoms of postpartum depression/anxiety… but not on a psychiatric care unit.

It’s so curious how close our mental, physical, and spiritual selves are. We really are whole beings, not just bodies. Some challenges, even seemly physical ones, need more than just medicine… Another sort of medicine, if you will.

I’ll be able to leave the hospital once my body heals a bit more but that won’t mean my work is done. I’ll need to seek a lot of outside support to continue to treat my whole self, not just my physical self. I’ll be honest, I’m a little nervous. What my family has been through the last couple of weeks hasn’t been easy… but every time I look at all the love and warmth surrounding us, l know we’ll get through.

Thank you for reading and sharing this journey with us.
xo,
Carrie

Hope

I didn’t see this coming. No one did.
I mean, I’m the Mama. Mothering is what I do.

I have not had any thoughts of harming myself.
I certainly have not had any thoughts of harming my family.
I have not had any trouble bonding with my baby.
Breastfeeding started without any trouble.
My husband and I are not having any marital trouble.
I do not feel depressed (only a bit anxious).
My life is wonderful… everything I want…

Yet, here I am.

The doctor says I should be able to go home Monday or Tuesday,as soon as my body will tolerate real food again. While I know how important it is to be here right now, I’m absolutely aching to get back to my family,to be with my babies again… for more than just a short visit.

Thank you all so much for your love, support, and kind words. Thank you.
xo,
Carrie